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| well i'm so sad to confess.....i went to the darkside....yes i, the one who protested it for so long....now has a myspace.
i feel dirty, like i'm cheating on someone, oh the guilt consumes me.
moving is swell, (if wishing for the sweet relief of death is swell )
were almost all done except that we need to pt the house on the market, and you know...sell it.
easier said then done, things just keep popping up that need doing.
oh well it'll all be over in a couple of weeks....i think. | | |
| arrrg moving is sooo stressful, the unknown is......frightening at best....for me at least, i like to know whats going on, and whats going to happen next.
it gives me a bit a security,everone like that right?
i know i do.
in any case i hope i find out what lies ahead for me and my family. | | |
| i was so upset with myself today, i had just realized that it had been a few days since the anniversary of my dads death, on 16th of janurary 2001 my dad passed away of cancer, and i didn't even remember untill today.
i also realized that maybe it's not sooo bad i had forgotten,i mean i won't ever forget him, he's was the most inspirational person i knew, but what i do mean is that i feel i'm finally getting over it.
here's something ive been working on.
Complications
Your in the back of my mind, things are getting tight, so I think back to those time where we could play. Playing all day, sand in our shoes we’d run through the yard having nothing to lose. Only getting frustrated when having to chose your next game.
Violence surrounds us now, we try to escape it, but the fear consumes us, nothing can shake it. looking back noticing all of today’s complications,
We’re all grown up now remembering the days when we had no worry’s and always had a say.
We wish we had that time back, knowing that back then you couldn’t wait to get away. Regrets take over and you’re caught in suspension. You end up hoping for some redemption. You try to get wasted hoping to solve your problems but all it does is cause more pain.
When will the numbness end, where will the healing begin. There’s only one place to go to solve your problems, and you know it but you’re too stubborn to go to him.
Will you go someday, will you stop punishing yourself? Will you let yourself let go?
God bless
~Ryan~ | | |
| been a long time since ive updated, so much have happened in the last few months, so much drama and many changes that affect my future.
have you ever felt hopeless? have you ever felt drained? have you ever felt that there was no way out?
i feel like that now,i have these thoughts in my head,things i wish i could stop but can't. like something i can't control.
i came out to my mom a few months back, and ultimately to myself. i don't know if this is a life style i want to live, but if i don't then any relationship i have will be false and thats not far to the other person im involved with, but also i don't want to be alone all my life.
i was all ways told that these thoughts i have are sinful, the bible says so. i was raised to think that these people, "gay" people, were sinners and sinners go to hell right?
im so confused, i hope for redemption, i hope for an answer, and i hope for a definitive solution.
heres to not hiding anymore.
~Ryan~ | | |
| my second post today,
i have something on my mind.
i desire change in my life, i want something new, i want to devote my life to the
one who saved mine. i feel i need to give up the way i used to think.
a survey in my town said that 80% of my town believe theres a God,and half
of those people go to church less then once a month...
don't get me wrong i don't think you have to go to church to be a good person...
or a good christian.I also don't think that's what matters.what matters is the condition of your heart
and if your savior has a home there.
we go to church to worship our God, to sharpen our selves, and to have good fellowship,
church is a must for those reasons, yet none of the "christians" that believe in God, want to go.
the most common reason i'm told is because we (the church crowd) are hypocrites....
there is something wrong with that.
we should men and woman of God that represents something
different, not just like the rest of the people, there should be a noticable difference, if not then
whats it all worth.
be a light on a stand for the world to see, don't hide under a bowl.
just some of my thoughts, share yours with me if you got time...leave a comment. | | |
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